Reblogged from barthel
Tweedledeh
"Even the Greek definition anthropos, He Who Looks Up, is inaccurate. Man seldom looks above his own height after adolescence."
25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying Where is the flaming sword which was given unto thee?
26 And the Angel said, I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget my own head next.
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
Good Omens (Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett)(Source: discreetmath, via brittadictarnold)
Find the Beautiful in the Unusual
Photos taken at the Holi Festival (Festival of Colors), this is a spring festival celebrated in India and Nepal, where all distinctions of social class are put aside. People celebrate in the streets, worshipping Krishna, by throwing rich handfuls of colored powders on eachother. Each person that bumps another then carries their colors.
Bucketlist.
You ate everything that day.
Pools, change purses, sweaters, pavement,
butterfly wings, leaves, watermelon seedsthat three dollar china set you ended
up paying twenty dollars forthe fingerprints on the wine glass stained the color poinsettia,
candle wicks, a seashell…
SOPA Emergency IP list:
So if these ass-fucks in DC decide to
ruin the internet, here’s how to access your favorite sites
in the event of a DNS takedown
tumblr.com 174.121.194.34
wikipedia.org...
Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE: To everyone who keeps saying “WHOEVER WROTE THIS THANK YOU”
You’re welcome.
And to everyone compelled to say “FIRST WORLD PROBLEM CALM THE FUCK DOWN ITS A BURRITO BITCH UR A FAG WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO MAD”:
That’s the joke.
-luckyshirt
That is quite a lot of sour cream.
(via nolightisbrighter)
I lost my permit this weekend. I haven’t done any drive times and I need to be done by June.
I also lost a very expensive pair of earrings given to me as a gift. I never even wore them for fear that I would lost them, and I lost them anyways.
I also lost my retainer a while ago. Still haven’t…
You’re scatterbrained. I lose things, too.
Try focusing on one thing at a time, and forget the rest. Really, you can. You may think, “I CAN’T. IT’S TOO IMPORTANT. I CAN’T, I CAN’T, WHAT IF I FORGET”
Don’t worry.
First, clean your room. I would move things around, too, if I can. Mother used to do this; I do this. It’s therapeutic, somehow. Sometimes, once I drag everything out into this big pile, and look at the empty room, I think, “Oh my god. I will never get this done. I am already so tired. Look at this. oh my god, what have I done”, but that doesn’t change the fact that everything is out there in a BIG FUCKING PILE and you have to put it away if you want to sleep.
So, you start, one step at a time, with the most obvious thing. Normally, I find a new place to put my bed. As much as I like to sleep, I like waking up to sunlight, so I’ll move my bed so that I get some at least on my feet. But, it’s so cold in the winter.. I don’t want my bed too close to the window. (Your room is small. Why don’t you switch your bed and desk placement? Your dad may need to help you. OR. We can schedule a weekend and I will come over and pull a Renny on the place.)
After the bed, the biggest problem, is in place, the second biggest problem can be put back. My desk, usually. I don’t like my computer in line of sight of the door because I’m paranoid; I want it facing away or to the side. So, I find a way to put my desk in my room. I rearrange with the bed, if necessary.
The dresser is next. It’s bigger than my desk, but it’s just for storage. Anywhere it fits, there it goes!
And everything else just.. falls into place. You’ve taken care of the big problems one step at a time, and while you weren’t crazy focused on everything else, your mind could slow down and better approach what’s at hand.
In the process, you’re also cleaning. Take all the shit out of your things. Organise them. You’ll find your stuff in the most surprising places, and if you don’t… well, I suppose it’s just a hard lesson learned.
But, at the end of the night, when you’ve pulled everything apart and turned everything upside down and turned a small problem into this hurricane of a mess, and then put it all back together so neatly and so snug, you climb into your bed so fucking proud of yourself because goddammit, I accomplished something that mattered to me.
Too adorable to not reblog.
CHRIS KING AGE 27 1/3 YOU ARE AMAZING AND PRETEND THAT I AM GIVING YOU SEVERAL HIGH FIVES OKAY
Can I just give this person a hug? They probably made Lily’s YEAR.
It might be because I’m an emotional wreck today but ALL OF MY CREYS.
(Source: blitzkriegrob)
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[stop internet censorship]](http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly0g2mO9CR1qewacoo1_400.jpg)
